Almost a year later....

It feels good to be back here. It feels like coming home, it’s been so long since I've written anything that is not work related. I've finally reclaimed my old blog, been wanting to do so for some time now, never could find the time to do it, until today. I've noticed a few things have changed around here, in keeping with the theme, my blog gets a new look. I really like this template; it sorta fits the mood of where I’m at in my life these days. I wish I were tech savvy, and could just generate my own images, and customize my own templates, but I’m not, so this would have to suffice. heck, I don’t know what I’m talking about..

I just laugh when I see the stuff I've written here, I'm not sure if this is me anymore. Always, there's going to be a side to me that's a vogon poet, but some of the stuff here are pretty hilarious. It's nice to have something to look back on to gauge your progress as a person. I wish I had never stopped writing, or maybe could have left myself some occasional memos and notes- maybe that would give me some insight as to where I was at the time, and now, where I think I’m going . This sounds incredibly self- important, but the beauty of having a blog is you get to say what you want without having to be self apologetic about it. Part of the reason I didn't want to write was because I didn't like where I was in my life, and I just didn't want to relive it in pause mode. As well as, I didn't want anything that reminded of how incredibly awful I felt all the time. But I don’t feel so bad these days, so I don't mind writing.

There is something so incredibly empowering about the practice of giving yourself the freedom to speak your mind. In that sense, blogging gives the writer a higher purpose than just venting your frustrations in life. In my case, blogging helps me clear my mind, and reaffirms my beliefs that somehow my inner sense of self is intact. I find it incredibly hard to express my intent through the actions of everyday life. I feel incongruous with my body, and how I am in every day. I act and say things all the time that has nothing to do with who I am as person. But these gestures at any given moment save me from drowning. The physical world and my mind don’t synchronize perfectly. I'm always aware that somehow I am acting out a part, where this is leading, and why I'm doing it, somehow defeats me.